A Click Away From Systems

Planning My Wedding Has Tested My Eating Disorder Recovery, But I Won't Let It Sabotage My Progress | SELF

My first attempt at dress shopping only made it worse. A friend had recommended I try Saks (that way I could open a store credit card and use the points on earrings or shoes). It seemed like a good plan, and I felt a surge of excitement as I booked the appointment. But the expensive, beautiful dresses were only available in sample sizes—0s and 2s, which “ran small,” in bridal and wouldn’t have fit me otherwise. The nice sales associate wrestled me into one of them, flexing all her muscles to yank the too-small garment up over my hips. It wasn’t the most flattering look, to put it mildly. The other dresses couldn’t be tugged onto me no matter how hard she tried, and so she recommended I just hold them up and imagine what they might look like if they were to fit. I managed not to cry. It’s not just my dress, though. I want to look good in pictures. And “good” in our size-obsessed culture almost always actually just means thin.

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